Who am I?

Growing up I think we often wonder…who am I?  When were are little we are baby…so and so, like Luke was “baby Luke” for the longest time.  Then we get past that stage and we start having nick names, like Luke’s are “tank man”, “little man”, “nucky” or my favorite “sunshine”.  Some or maybe one of those names will stick and we’ll always be known as our nicknames.  My family, specifically one of my brothers started calling me “squirrel bait” when I was young and to this day…..he still calls me that.  By the way…I’ve been told it wasn’t because I was “nuts”, but because I was so small they could feed me to the squirrels.  Although…I’m not sure I believe the story…after all it came from my brother.

Anyway, as I was saying…we have these nicknames.  Then we go to school and we get a whole new set of names, some of us have those long “proper” names that the teachers will always call us by….like Robert…but our friends will call us by many other names…like B.J. or Robby or Bob. 

Then after we are out of school and we get married…we get even more names….”pet names”.  My husband calls me “Share Bear”, not really sure where it came from….but it has stuck.

Then come kids….it starts with the doctor’s office.  You call when they are sick and instead of giving your name, you are now known as “Luke’s mom”.  Then you call so much that all you have to do is say their name….and they know who is calling.  Once and a while I call and I tell them Luke’s name and depending on which nurse I am talking to…..they’ll ask me what is wrong…but use my name.  In those moments I realize that I am losing my identity.  I’m no longer my own person…I’m attached to these munchkins forever!!  Kind of a scary thought. 

I have to call so many doctors and therapists…and now the school when Luke is sick or needs something, that I don’t think about it much anymore.  I just say, “this is Luke’s mom can we set up a therapy session?”  It took a while…but by the time our baby girl came around….I was getting in full swing with my “new identity”.  Now, the biggest problem I have is when I call the doctor…or I go to pick up a prescription or something…and they ask…”what’s their birthday”…..I have to pause and think a second…and think through who I’m talking about here.  There have been times I’ve combined Luke’s birthday and our baby girls and had to retract what I said.  A real enlightening moment happened when I called a doctor for myself….and they asked me my birthday and I paused for so long….I just laughed and then told the nurse and then had to explain that I wanted to give her Luke’s birthday instead.  It just all becomes so automatic when you are raising kids to rattle off their names and birthday’s…but when it comes to myself I can’t remember my birthday…and many days my name…after all I’m just “Luke’s mom”.